The Fair Play Deck: A Couple's Conversation Deck for Prioritizing What's Important Cards – October 27, 2020

Good relationship assistance. It helps to divvy up the chores in the household, so no one person feels like they are doing everything. Easy to use, makes a difference.

It’s been about a week since my husband and I went through this together and SHEESH! Why didn’t we do this sooner??? My life has totally changed (for the better) since we shuffled and worked to reseal this deck of cards for our household responsibilities. I especially love that the person helping a card should see the task all the way through…no half or splitting. If you are having a hard time organizing your household, buy this immediately!

Making a game of tedious tasks is always a good strategy. This deck has it's pros and cons, but the pros definitely outweigh the cons. It's a great way to start a conversation about the distribution of work in a household. Communication is key, and no one wants to feel criticized or as if they're not contributing enough. It's so easy to feel like a failure when simple chores are left unfinished because no one takes up the task in a timely manner, leaving an issue area like a few dishes or dust bunnies to grow into an overwhelming task. With these cards divided up, there's no question about who is doing what and when. It suddenly becomes clear just how much each person is taking on, and if anything, helps everyone appreciate the mutual effort of keeping things running smoothly.It's still often the case that the "mental load" of a household falls on women. As an article from Forbes on this very subject puts it: "It’s having to remember to pick up eggs. Even if you ask someone else to buy eggs, it’s you then checking that the eggs were in fact bought. It’s essentially project management. And when it’s at work, that’s what we call it. Project management. Or just management. It’s a whole job. Yet when it’s at home, we call it, well, we don’t really have a word for it." The micro-tasks that stack up throughout any given day shouldn't fall to one person or one gender in a household, and this deck attempts to even that playing field.Pros:★Conversation starter (positive communication is key)★Making a game of tedious tasks is always a good strategy★Assist in the even distribution of household work and "mental load"★Make clear who is doing what and when in a household★Foster appreciation between members of a householdCons:★More couple-centric versus family-centric or household-centric★Many cards (almost half of the deck) for child rearing (these can just be pulled from the deck and kept in the box for childless households). Maybe a future installment of these cards could be further divided, so the child rearing cards can actually be expanded upon and purchased separately. This would make the set more approachable for different households and living arrangements, other than a nuclear family.★★★★★

Cards are decent conversation starters with your significant other. A couple of the cards had things on them that we did not understand what they meant. There are not explanations. There were quite a few things that we wished were written on the cards or that there were blank cards that we could write in things that were applicable to our family. The time commitment described in the directions was much shorter than it has taken us.

Helped me and my partner recognize what each other is doing. Also great for us when I went back to work after being a stay at home mom to re divide how we run our house. Easy enough to understand if you haven’t read the book.

I think the concept is great, and overall I think it’s a great tool for couples. This was created because one partner felt like she was doing too much and wanted things more equal- the “Fair Play” deck/movie/book helps the partner who “does less” to see and understand the physical, emotional and mental load it takes to complete tasks and take care of a family/house/self etc. But after looking at the cards and the rules, the main point is to divide tasks amongst each other and stick to those tasks. You divide them up how it fits your particular life based on each persons preference, capability and availability - that’s great! But if I choose dishes, I have to cultivate, plan and execute the task of dishes every single time. I do everyone’s dishes, meaning that my partner gets to just leave his dirty dish in the sink, even when the dishwasher is empty. What is that?! I feel like that’s what couples fight about most! One person doing tasks for everyone. And apparently, I cannot ask my partner for help - I choose a task and have to plan, cultivate, and execute it all myself. But my struggle with that is then I’m showing my children that we don’t share any tasks and mom always does the dishes. I think it’s important to model to children that we all take care of our dishes/home/laundry etc. But what if there is a day where I don’t want to or can’t do the dishes? She says avoid asking your partner for help and to ask a family member or friend instead. But I don’t see this as even remotely plausible. Some people don’t have family or friends close by. Am I really going to call someone else over to come do my dishes? Isn’t that what partners are for? We can take over when one is tired or the other one falls short. So I fear that the delighting of tasks in this way can get a bit nit-picky and cause couples to start keeping score. Another example, let’s say my partner’s task is bathing the children. According to the rules, I will never bathe my children because it’s my husband’s task, which then never gives me that quality time bathing my children. So I’m robbed of that experience with my children because if my husband is working late and can’t bathe them, he can’t ask me. So the children go unbathed?? I think that’s a little bit much. Partnership is being able to depend on the other person when you fall short. And it’s not about “I do this and you do that” and never go above and beyond or outside of your own task zone. I think sharing tasks more equally is a much better approach and great example for children. I’d go a far to say “I’ll do the dishes M/W/F and you do them the other days” is a much better way to approach it. I could just see this start making me feel like I’m keeping score or refusing to take the trash out when it’s too full because, after all, it’s my husbands job and not mine.

Gift for husband to open much needed communication. Got to talk about something I've been trying to clear up for 7 years with these. Highly recommend!